Have you ever felt that you’re doing all the things right, but something still feels like it’s missing? Like you’re eating healthy, you workout, drink water, have awesome friends, a job that pays the bills, you seem to have figured out what hacks work or don’t for you but there’s something STILL missing. Ok friend, first of all, you are absolutely NOT alone, we’ve all felt this at some point or another and it can leave you feeling like you’re STILL not good enough.
But I am here to remind you, you are good enough, you are doing ALL of the right things and you are exactly where you need to be. That feeling you feel, comes from a disconnection of Self and Spirit. We live in a very externally focused world and have been taught that we need something outside of us to ‘fix’ us. What you need to know is: there is NOTHING about you that needs ‘fixing,’ you truly are perfectly imperfect and wherever you are right now is exactly where you need to be on your journey to your best self.
For years, and I mean years, I felt that nothing I did was ever good enough and that how I looked, what I had ie: career, car, home, partner, clothes etc. defined my worth and that I needed to DO all sorts of crazy things to be seen as sexy, valuable, smart, and worthy of attention and love. And let me tell you, I fucking hated myself so much. I hated my body, the way I felt, I could barely look at myself in the mirror. I was in a cycle of binging and purging and then not eating for days at a time. I was caught up in trying to get people to like me by offering to pick up the check, take them on trips, etc. I was trying to BUY their love and I never felt like my friends loved me because I couldn’t see why anyone would love me if I didn’t GIVE them something.
Many of us get caught up in these horrible mind traps and live our lives there, always feeling unworthy and seeking validation from external sources. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE LIFE THIS WAY. You have a choice. It took my world crashing down around me to have this realization and I hope to help others figure this out well before their worlds shatter or implode. That’s why I do the mindset and spiritual work that I do. If I can help others see how worthy they truly are and that feeling good is possible, I will die happy and my soul mission will be complete.
SO friend, I want to share with you 5 things to help you realign your mindset, your value system, and get real clear on just how awesome you are through tapping you back into your powerhouse Self and Spirit.
1 – All Brains are Wired for Negativity: Our brain is a super computer, scanning our surroundings and working hard to protect us by sending thoughts into our awareness to help ‘keep us alive’. We have developed a structure in our brain dedicated to remembering negative outcomes called ‘negativity bias’; we have become evolutionarily programmed for stress.
Most of us no longer live in a physically dangerous environment. Our biggest threat NOW is the chronic stress created by our brain seeing through the lense of negativity – everything is life or death and dwelling on the negative. Our brains are NOT reliable narrators, by understanding negativity bias you challenge the negativity being thrown at you and through the practice of awareness you can change your mind!
2 – ‘Good Vibes Only’ is BS: Take a moment and ponder this: Anything that has ever been created started with a thought. THIS IS WHY THINKING ON PURPOSE IS SO IMPORTANT.
I want to be real clear here: a “good vibes only” mindset can crush true healing, especially for those who suffer PTSD or deep trauma. The deepest parts of your brain and psyche cannot come along for the ‘affirmation/positivity’ ride because the negativity bias system of the brain is programmed to find and protect us from any potential negative outcomes to keep us safe. What this means, is that our brains will keep the lower vibrational frequencies EXACTLY where they are, even when we are trying to force positivity, creating a huge space between our possible peaks and valleys in the mind which can be extremely detrimental to healing PTSD or trauma informed brains. The only way to truly heal negatively informed experiences in the brain is to work slowly, create steps to help the lowest level frequency of thoughts to slowly learn to TRUST our new thoughts, by creating informed data points we build a new foundation of trust to help us achieve our intended ‘goal’ thought, positive affirmation, or ‘vibe’ if you will.
3 – Shake the Shit off: Our bodies have different layers of being – physical, emotional, energetic, and spiritual. So much of what we experience daily can have effects on each different layer of being. One of the best ways to shift any stale, stuck, dense, or stagnant energy is to gently bounce and shake your body. I highly suggest that you do this twice a day for 1-2 minutes. Stand up tall, feet hip distance to shoulder distance apart, knees slightly bent, draw your low belly up and in, pull your tailbone towards the floor and your rib cage inward, open your heart upwards and relax your shoulders down your back. Give your armpits room to breathe, there should be about an inch of space between your upper arm and your side body, don’t stress about this too much, let your arms feel relaxed. Start by bouncing your knees, let the energy start to move, allow the bouncing to move up into your hips, your shoulders, neck, head and down to your feet. Allow your body to bounce and shake out whatever it needs. And yes, the first few times you practice this it will feel silly – when we are doing something new for the first time our brains can use humor to mask discomfort and that’s OK – allow yourself to feel into the sensation, the laughter, to whatever comes up. Feel free to let out any sounds, deep breaths and sighs are totally welcome to help process and shift the energy in your system.
4 – Practice Joy: Sounds easy right? But ask yourself when was the last time you allowed your inner child out to play? Have you become too bogged down with ‘adulting’ and feel silly really letting loose? Totally understandable, we’re asked pretty quickly to ditch our ‘distractions’ and focus on our schooling. The practice of joy is a super potent and healing way to get to know your inner child again. That version of you holds the keys to accessing the deepest levels of joy you can experience, as well as the first feelings of pain, shame, guilt, abandonment, etc. so by allowing your child self to tap back into and experience things that bring you joy, you can bring more of that vibration into your life RIGHT NOW. You can then use that energy to help you heal and transmute the denser energies you picked up throughout your life. For one whole week, starting TODAY, make it a priority to be your own happiness dealer! Practice two moments of joy for 7 days and watch your life completely shift.
Here are a few of my favorite amazing practices to help bring in more joy:
- Let your inner child dress you each morning – I love this practice to meld together my adult and my inner child me at the start of the day. It is fun, awkward, and free-ing AF.
- Dance to one whole song without a single care in the world. I do this one daily and usually for way longer than one song!
- Skip, run, jump, climb a tree, get outside
- Make a list of all the things you used to love as a child and do one of them everyday of the week – NO EXCUSES! If you feel so inclined to share them with me I WOULD LOVE TO SEE – tag me on IG @theonlyjessalin
5 – Live from Gratitude: You can choose to make every experience an opportunity and when you choose to live your life from a place of gratitude you increase your vibration. This is simple but absolutely mandatory in accessing the depth of your spirit and soul. If you give in to the mindset of needing more you will ALWAYS feel unable to feel like YOU are enough. This practice will help you to really see all that you already have and how truly blessed and worthy you are. Every night before bed, write down in your journal 3-5 things you are grateful for each day. When you wake up, re-read those items again to start your day off with the energy of gratitude. When you move from this energy, you attract more abundance, value, and flow into your life. The more you practice this, the more clarity you will receive about your values, the things that you are most passionate about and so much more. This can turn into your road map to living a life that is more in alignment with your heart, purpose and power. *expert level gratitude practice: 3 things you are grateful for that are internal qualities along with 5 things you are grateful that are external.*
It’s my goal that you read this and something calls to you, if it does give it a try! Ultimately, the MOST important thing about tapping into your spirit self is figuring out what works and feels best FOR YOU. That means you must open yourself up to new things, bring awareness to the sensations in your body, the thoughts in your mind, and allow your focus to gently begin to shift from the external world to your internal world. To experience your inner world is a practice and there is no ‘right’ way for everyone; this truly is a unique journey for each one of us. So I invite you, try these on, seek other practices, allow yourself to be open to what comes up. What is meant for you will find you and you are exactly where you are meant to be, there is no need to rush or force anything. You are perfectly imperfect, you are exactly where you need to be, and you have everything you need inside of yourself to feel free. Good luck and may many blessings flow to you as you explore your journey to tapping into your spirit.
With love, trust, and gratitude,
Intuitive Mindset Coach + Boundary Queen
A beautiful life, one moment at a time
*If you’d like to know more about Jessa, to work with her 1:1 or learn about her offerings head to her website, sign up for her newsletter, book a discovery call, or join her Unshakable Self Course. *Please join us for a FREE IG LIVE Workshop with her Thursday 4/23 on Malabella’s IG at 12p PST/ 3pm EST*